Soumya takes us on a tour of Vietnam to discover a mix of Indian cities, villages, streets, food and language, and more – replete with wit and humour, exclusively for Different Truths.

Hanoi is just like Delhi. The hotel is like a typical one in Karol Bagh. The area is just like Karol Bagh.

The countryside looks exactly like Assam.

Indian power points work, and there’s a jet in the loo.

I saw a 1000-year-old puppet theatre in their national theatre outlining Vietnamese mythology, history, religion, and culture. It’s an entirely pastoral society that could be Bengal.

Wonder why the USA spent so much in its lives and money in their failed attempt to keep this as a colony. There’s no oil or any primary resources here.

Traffic is chaotic and suicidal. Crossing roads adventure sports only Indians can attempt with panache. Europeans get nervous breakdowns: Food is exotic, but vegetarians beware, everything is cooked in pork fat.

There are temples to many gods and goddesses. A mother goddess is mighty. Offering includes beer chocolate-packed food cookies.

Even in restaurants, you get raw ingredients and a hot pot and are expected to cook it.

Today’s restaurant had dogs on the menu.

The unbelievable Halong Bay looks like the set of a Jurassic film. Instead, the set of King Kong.  

Went exploring caves, trekking, kayaking, and boating. Tried my hand at rowing and swimming. Now I’ve swum in three oceans.

Groups of men sit around cooking, drinking and eating on the roadside till late. It’s the adda. Else it is coffee, beer, and iced tea on the pavements. Both sexes. They squat on very low stools.

Teachers and exam toppers from historical times are worshipped as Gods in the temple of literature. Education was paramount after throwing off 1000 years of Chinese rule when they were second-class citizens.

Ghosts are part of daily life – respected members of the family.

Karma is specific. The result of each action is clearly and logically defined.

I did something hilarious today. Through lost in-translation communication, we booked ourselves into a Vietnamese group tour to the village of Hoi, where no one, including the guide or driver, spoke English. It was a surreal experience.

 Our official English-speaking guide in Danang spoke even more spectacularly than our honourable West Bengal CM. He apparently learnt it by listening to tourists. Probably mainly from Gujarat and Japan. We had a fun time guessing what he was trying to say. And, of course, he understood very little of anything we asked and gave random responses, mostly yes, Okay.

Hoi is a most exotic place – it’s the Venice of Vietnam

 Buddha has 18 emotions in Vietnam, twice as many as Indian rasas.

A slice of medieval France in Vietnam at Bana Hills, a French village.

The Dog God and the dog pet, or dinner? At a restaurant, so I was wondering.

The dog is worshipped as a god and eaten, though only in the countryside and a few nice eating places in the city.

Funnily, in India, we suspect that cheap eateries feed us dogs and cats pretending to be mutton or chicken, but here they apparently pass off duck and chicken as the expensive dogs and cats in small eateries.

Here language can be fascinating. A guide was surprised that she could understand our English. She was an English graduate. She said, “Word come out of India mouth not enter my head. Maybe local language gets inside word.”

A trendy food is called Ban Cho. A Punjabi would appreciate it. Others might beat up the restaurant owner.

Our driver once actually said aaaanwanwanwanwanwah in a sing-song voice, precisely like a petulant child throwing tantrums, and our guide understood and responded.

Vietnamese and Cambodian cuisine, foodies delight.

Finally had frogs, but they served the whole thing, not just legs. Bony chewy, and not too good. The French do it better.

The forests and hills do look like Jurassic Park scenes.

Mekong Delta.

So far seen only in war movies, especially apocalypse now.

The boat ride from motorboats to row boats to tiny dingy sell rowing, village life, fantastic food, snake wine, folk music, and siesta on a hammock. Opted out of a bicycle tour.

The stomach-churning atrocities and the incredible heroic fightback by the villagers at Cu Chi, living physically underground for eight years and haunting the American soldiers at night.

A disconcerting experience.

Vietnamese believe in forgiving but never forgetting, unlike us. We have selective amnesia.

Abhi to party shuru hui hai!

The night is still a toddler.

The earlier R&R of the US army has led to a thriving scene of music, dancing and drinking in the streets and parks from evening till late at night and unique and incredibly cheap pubs and clubs.

Of course, there’s objectification, but there’s no stigma. Families enjoyed the show together, and a little girl danced away with the performers to her parents’ amusement.

Saigon nightlife.

The famous or infamous? Street in Saigon, the walking street. No traffic is allowed at night. The nightlong nightlife. Music and dancing in the street. Football on a giant screen. Blaring music. Cheap beer and street food.

The only difference between pavements and roads is that cars don’t drive on pavements in Saigon.

Picture design by Anumita Roy

Soumya Mukherjee

Soumya Mukherjee is an alumnus of St Stephens College and Delhi School of Economics. He earns his daily bread by working for a PSU Insurance company, and lectures for peanuts. His other passions, family, friends, films, travel, food, trekking, wildlife, music, theater, and occasionally, writing. He has been published in many national newspapers of repute. He has published his first novel, Memories, a novella, hopefully, the first of his many books. He blogs as well.

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