On the eve of her birthday, Narinder Jit looks inward and reflects upon the magic number 69. An exclusive for Different Truths.

I don’t know in what context did Mark Twain say, ‘Age is an issue of mind over matter, if you don’t mind it doesn’t matter,’ or what made Joan Collins, the British author and actress say, ‘Age is just a number.’ 

But is it really so? Or there is something more to your age than its being just a number.

The thought has just stuck in my mind for quite some time, as I reflect upon my growing age. 

Living in an age of longevity revolution when life expectancy has been stretched for about 30 years more than what it was for our great-grandparents, we have second adulthood squeezed between ‘middle age’ and ‘old age.’ These three decades that Jane Fonda calls the ‘third act’ fall upon us without giving us any time to get prepared for this extended adulthood. We all know that we still had many more years of strength, vigour, zest, and zeal in us, when professionally we were rendered decrepit and unfit, as per pre-longevity revolution norms, to make any constructive contributions in our respective fields. Today, with most of our worldly responsibilities behind us, we are in a more relaxed and happy space; yet it’s been a challenge to devise ways and activities to manage this residual bubbling energy and verve for life; and to keep ourselves going. 

Even in the lingering twilight of life, I have tried hard to convince myself and others, that I am still the same energetic, vivacious, naughty, and chirpy person; the clown of the family, holding on to my sense of humour, my eccentricities, and childishness; thus trying to defy people’s perception of ‘being old.’ But I must confess, despite all this, there has been a feeling of inadequacy and worthlessness that tugs at my heart every now and then; leaving a lump in the throat.  

As I move closer to my 69th birthday, I have been studying this number meticulously. Sixty-nine years…! A long time to be on this earth! Isn’t it. The thought made me reflect upon life per se, and my life specifically.  No doubt a number of axioms are related to this number, some humorous, like ulta-pulta ek samaan, but suddenly this number seems to have acquired a life of its own, a dynamic entity for me. My whole life got embedded in these two digits.

Number 6, as we know, is known as a perfect member symbolising harmony and stability. But for me it is a digit that stands straight, alert, energetic, and full of action, a symbol of desires and dreams and their actualization. This defines a youthful life when I, like everyone else, with fire in my heart and dreams in my eyes, kept hopping from one ambitious dream to another, striving hard to make something out of myself. Success, social acceptance, and accolades seemed to be the undisputed goals.  

But as author Peter Patrick Barreda says, “If you adjust your level of perception, you will discover the seeds of serenity within the seeming chaos that surrounds us.” And this is what number 9 has done for me.

Traditionally, the number 9 represents completeness and fulfillment, the last of the single digits. For me this is number 6 turning upside-down, making life take a 360-degree turn. The youthful, energetic, and active life humbly takes a bow, kneeling down in complete surrender before the divine power, in gratitude for all the bounties of life that it has bestowed upon me. 

As I enter the 7th decade of my life, I think it’s high time for me to mellow down, to let the child in me grow up; to stop running after dreams and desires; to let go of the relationships that were not meant for me, or perhaps I was not meant for them, and to let the peace prevail.

This river of life that has had a tumultuous journey, sometimes moving ahead with frolicking dance steps in joie de vivre, and sometimes striking against rocky mountains, large boulders, small stones, and pebbles, testing it’s fortitude and patience, has now reached the pacific plains where it can flow at a gentle peaceful pace, waiting to merge with the divine ocean.

Picture design by Anumita Roy, Different Truths

Narinder Jit Kaur

Narinderjit Kaur is a retired Associate Professor of English, based in Patiala. She is a trilingual writer who can write with fair ease and finesse in English, Hindi, and Punjabi. Her articles, stories, and poems in all three languages are regularly published in various newspapers and magazines. She has published a book of 58 middle articles published in prominent newspapers. She has five books of translation from Punjabi into English to her credit.

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