Deep-rooted patriarchy puts men on a pedestal because of which several women succumb to the family traditions that allow men to ‘work’, opines Enakshi. An exclusive for Different Truths.

It is said that a successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation with the brickbats others have thrown at her. Sadly, more than the number of people, who raise their hands to applaud the success of a woman, there are many more that raise their eyebrow when a woman does something different from what is expected from her. Right from working day and night in a regular job to earn a livelihood to balancing the home front with their warrior skills, a woman juggles between different roles without any complaint. Still, not a word of appreciation nor any compliment is paid to uplift her spirit.

Just recently, I came across such an apt meme that defined ‘manners’ as ‘the art of nodding and smiling at every stupid question/statement hurled at you instead of slapping the person before you across the face’. Even though the main purpose of that meme was to provide momentary joy to the readers, several of my friends (women) messaged me back saying it was so apt! Even I could relate with the meme so well. While society demands women to be genial and amicable at all times, be soft and welcoming at all times and be compassionate and selfless at all times, the society forgets that women, too, are human beings with hormones and natural sentiments. They are not the dolls that can adorn a fixed expression every time and ignore all the ‘crap’ that is thrown at them. They have their highs and lows and often, their outburst is quite natural.

Deep-rooted patriarchy puts men on a pedestal because of which several women succumb to the family traditions that allow men to ‘work’ (read the newspaper, watch television, sit in the sun, attend calls, go out to work) and force the women to always rise to the occasion of helping in the kitchen and doing household chores. Even when women work fulltime and earn enough or equal to how much their partner (man) earns, their job is always considered as a burden that they have added on their shoulders. Ideally, they have the full right and will be slightly respected too if they spend time chopping and peeling vegetables, preparing tea every now and then, engaging in conversations about bearing children (even rearing children), maintaining gardens, practising probability-based decision like how much ration is needed and ensuring the house is spick and span. At the same time, it is deemed absolutely ethical to question their body shape, their skin colour, their diet, their height, etc. Along with all this, women do not receive any respect for their job and that is the worst thing. In spite of working so hard trying to break the shackles of orthodoxy and stereotypes, society never leaves any stone unturned in oppressing women and demotivating them to such an extent that they are forced to change their natural instinct of ‘motherly love’ to that of ‘cold and distant’ individual.

Probably, men have tomatoes in their eyes. They cannot see beyond themselves and that is the reason that they cannot digest the fact that women are equally capable as them. Lady Sophia Fermor rightly said that bare strength entitles the men to no superiority above us. While the millennial generation is becoming mindful of the importance of equality and freedom of choice, the people who are already over the hill are not only stubborn but also judgemental in their ways and mannerisms. They hold the old traditions and beliefs sacred and often offend the women of their family by their sardonic remarks. The worst part is that they do not realize the impact their words can have on the women in their family and they remain persistent.

The philosophy of dignity of labour exists only for men. Even when men do a menial job, the rationalists will come forth and advocate their rights to equal respect. Where does this philosophy vanish when we talk about working women? Partly, it is our fault too. Women, as mothers, spoil their sons by praising them to the skies and showing disinterest when their daughters achieve success! Right from an incredibly young age, girls are now becoming used to standing their ground alone, for no one really supports their choice. This contributes to the chain reaction that makes them suffer even after marriage. Those who decide to take courage their voice, speak for themselves and do not hold their tongue even when their words can break the relationships. Those who are patient, keep mum for as long as they can bear the injustice.

I cannot deny but say that day is not far when women will unleash their wrath, be it in form of words or ‘slaps’, and then society will know, it will know that we do not forget things easily. If we know how to pave a path for ourselves, we also know how to tread on it, irrespective of who decides to give us company and who doesn’t.

“The day will come when men will recognise woman as his peer, not only at the fireside but in councils of the nation. Then, and not until then, will there be the perfect comradeship, the ideal union between the sexes that shall result in the highest development of the race,” stated Susan B. Anthony.

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Enakshi J

Enakshi is an educator, an author and a traveller. She loves to learn. Her writings have appeared in The Speaking Tree (Times of India), Woman’s Era, Alive, Infitithoughts, SivanaSpirit, Women’s Web, EfictionIndia and Induswomanwriting. She is an eminent book reviewer and she reviews books by Penguin, Rupa and Hachette India. Her stories and poems have been anthologised widely. She conceptualized two books- ‘Unbounded Trajectories’ and ‘Poison Ivy’.

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