Different Truth’s Life Coach, Nita guides us how to avoid the futile attempts at living our lives to please others. She uses the Law of Attraction (LoA) principles to show us how to make a relationship work. When we try to please others, we cannot feel free.
Relationships are important because we’re interacting with others all the time. And how we feel has a lot to do with how we see others. And we pay a lot of attention to how others see us. So, there has been, through all of our life, lot of futile attempt at living our life to please others.
So how has it worked out for you?
There are, usually, two areas that we get stuck in.
- Wanting approval from others, and
- Wanting others to behave in a way that we are comfortable with
We will discuss each one in detail.
Paromita is a modern woman, who is a part of the management in a multinational company. She falls in love, and gets married to Suresh, an only son. To please Suresh and her vegetarian in-laws, she decides to give up non-vegetarian food. A couple of years later, when they have their first baby, Paromita feels that she can depend on her in-laws to look after the child when she goes back to work. Suresh, on the other hand, feels she should give up her job, and look after the baby.
They argue about this and Paromita feels that she seems to be the only one who sacrifices her wants for the sake of the relationship.
Sounds familiar? It should, because we all give up something in order to please someone in our life, so that the relationship is smooth.
Rahul has a teenage son. He wants him to focus on his studies and do well in his exams. But he is more interested in playing video games. No matter how much he tries to explain, scold, cajole, threaten, nothing works. Rahul is frustrated and can’t understand why his son is not able to get that he’s looking out for his best interests.
Sounds familiar? Again, it should. Because we all try to get others to do what we think is best for them.
In both the scenarios, the person with the best intentions, the one trying to help others, is suffering. Why? Is it because ‘Bhalaai ka zamaana nahin raha’? Are they doing something wrong? What is common between these two people? Both are trying to change something – Paromita is trying to change herself, and Rahul is trying to change his son.
The question now, is ‘How can we have relationships that work for us and others in our lives?’ Is there a formula that we can apply? Or is it that different people need to be handled differently?
It is important to remember that trying to change something to suit us or others is not, and can never be, a permanent solution. Doing this will always create resentment, either in you or in the person you are trying to change. Here are a few tips to improve existing relationships, whether they are with your child or parent, spouse or boss, in-laws or friends:
- Ask yourself what bothers you; e.g., my spouse doesn’t have time for me.
- Now think about what this means to you; e.g., I’m not important enough to make time for.
- So what really bothers you? The fact that the spouse does not spend time or the meaning you attached to it?
- Once you have realised that it is the meaning you attached to what happens that bothers you, you also realise that you are the one responsible for how you feel and not the other person.
Once you take responsibility for your own feelings and thus, your life, you can feel good whenever you want. And when you feel good, you will find that people around you feel good too. Suddenly, you are not the victim, but the person in charge.
Take cue from an airline safety procedure: They ask you to put on your oxygen mask before you help others put on theirs. The most important thing to remember is that your happiness is vital to your relationships. And just the way you cannot get orange juice out of an apple, you cannot give others what you don’t have. So be happy to have happy relationships.
Look for positive aspects of people you are in a relationship with: Start with small things. It could be as simple as ‘she dresses well’ or ‘he has a nice smile’. And keep looking for more. The more you look, the more you will find. The more you find, the happier you will be to relate to that person.
Don’t pay too much attention to others’ opinions of you. Until you are trying to please others, you cannot feel free. Your opinion is the only one that matters in your life. If you feel good about doing something, do it.
And lastly, remember that the Law of Attraction (LoA) says, ‘Like Attracts Like’. So you are always going to have people around you, who match your vibration. If you want your relationship with a person to be different, you need to raise your vibration. Either the person will change to meet your expectation, or if that’s not possible, disappear from your life.
Nita, Different Truths’ Agony Aunt, is an Internationally Certified Life Coach. She specialises in coaching with the Law of Attraction to bring about a change in beliefs and thought patterns, such that the person is able to tap into the Universal energy and deliberately create a life of his/her dreams. She runs a Law of Attraction Club in Mumbai. She will answer your queries from the perspective of the Law of Attraction.
Mark your queries, ‘Kind Attn: Nita Sundararaju’ and mail it to firstname.lastname@example.org. Your identity shall not be disclosed.
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Nita is an Internationally Certified Life Coach with clients in India and abroad. She specializes in coaching people about their thought processes and works with their belief systems. She lives in Mumbai, with her husband and 3 kids.