Marriage is not the end of the ‘conquest’. It’s not the end of the road. Nikita opines that many husbands fail to understand that the big houses, exotic vacations, and diamond rings didn’t win her over. Expensive gifts can never make a woman feel valuable. It is your affection towards her that made her fall in love with you. Marriage isn’t the end of a romantic journey. It isn’t a destination where men can finally rest from the chase. It’s a new direction along the same path leading to eternal happiness. Here are tips from her, in the weekly column, for married men to help them make marriages successful, exclusively for Different Truths.
Boys, it’s time to actually grow up. Dating a girlfriend, by design is an easy thing, living with a wife takes real work.
Men see winning the love of a woman as a battle and a yes from her could also mean “Conquered the Kingdom” in their dictionaries. Men love to win. Their egos are inextricably tied to conquest whether it’s a cricket match, annoying colleague, mother-in- law or video game level. They are not good at handling defeat.
How often is the complaint of wives that their husband, “isn’t the man I married?” I’ve frequently wondered what this meant; did he grow a beard, gain/lose a few pounds, or stop wearing deodorant? Physical change wasn’t the source of criticism, their husbands hadn’t changed materially. He had stopped pursuing her. He had stopped being a boyfriend, who showered her with flowers, chocolates, diamonds, and kisses.
Many husbands fail to understand that the big houses, exotic vacations, and diamond rings didn’t win her over. Expensive gifts can never make a woman feel valuable. It was your affection towards her that made her fall in love with you. Marriage isn’t the end of a romantic journey. It isn’t a destination where men can finally rest from the chase. It’s a new direction along the same path leading to eternal happiness.
“Happily Ever After” is an ongoing effort and you will need to work for it each and every second of your life! Nobody gets lucky in marriage. You will have to tame the wild child inside you. To always be ready like a soldier for anything that calls you. The customary smiles, unwanted distance and lack of communication are diseases every marriage goes through. It’s bound to happen. Marriages are tough by default.
Everything changes once she becomes your wife. Even the best of marriages are tough. Nobody has all the pieces together. Perfect marriages do not exist. Couples do fall out of love within a few years. Things that attracted you once start annoying you. Love too fades with time.
Can we do something about it? Yes. We can.
Marriage changes you. When you start living together, you influence each other. Couples start thinking alike after a period of time. Your views about things, people and circumstances change. Respect their opinions, understand that they were brought up differently, do not expect them to change. Take your partner, as they are and if at all, something needs to be changed, do it with love.
Like it or not, your partner’s likes and dislikes become yours. If you don’t like the way your girl looks at things, I warn you, don’t marry her. If she already questions your every decision stops you from following your dreams or blames you for things that go wrong. You know she is not the one.
Always tell your partner how much you love them. Saying, “I love you” would not create the miracle for you. Tell them why you do and see how things change.
1. Change the way you make Decisions
You now have to start thinking for two and make decisions that are not only in your best interests, but also the best interests of your spouse and your relationship together. Fridays Nights no longer mean hanging out with your pals with beers. You might have been spending all weekends sitting in front of TV till 5 but things should change now.
2. Learn to Compromise
Before marriage, you just expect things to happen your way. But, once you get married, you simply can’t do things the way you used to. You have to learn to compromise and to give and take. Marriage is more about taking care of two instead on one.
3. Change your Priorities
Your wife is skipping her favorite shows to prepare dinner for your family. She hasn’t seen her friends since a very long time. Her priorities in life have changed, yours should change too. Family, household chores, bills and grocery shopping are your responsibility too.
4. Taking care of Two Families
You expect her to take care of minutest details of your family, their likes, and dislikes. How far have you gone to take care of her family? There is a need to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship between the two families. Initiate to meet her parents, call them once in a while to check on them.
5. Be Ready to be a Dad
If someone tells you that their marriage didn’t change, they’re not being honest with you. When you go from just you and your spouse to you, your spouse and a baby, things will change. Once you have a baby, your life now revolves around this little helpless being who needs you – and who despite having a pretty simple existence needs round-the- clock care and undivided attention.
Marriage is a beautiful bond, coming home each day to your best friend is a splendid joy. Remember how badly you wanted each other in your life. Make efforts each day to show how much you love them. Woo them like a girlfriend / boyfriend and keep dating each other.
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Nikita Goel is a Texas-based writer. She is actively associated with Aagaman Literary and Cultural Society’s English Publications. She has worked as the managing editor for Purple Hues. She has co-authored three books. Her poems have been published in five anthologies. She has been featured online on Readomania, Aagaman -The Arrival, Writers e-zine, Writing Geeks, Literary and Creativity Magazine. Her blog, Enchantress, has been adjudged India’s best blog for three consecutive years.