Enakshi shares a harrowing real life experience on a flight to Bangalore. Here’s a hilarious account, in a new weekly column, Odds and Evens, beginning every Tuesday. An exclusive for Different Truths.

It was a Monday morning and the flight time was 2 hours 50 minutes. I was seated between a lady, who snored while breathing and an old uncle, who had no control over his falling head! Quite frustrated with the customer service, I had made up my mind to tweet about the staff’s incompetence in allotting an aisle seat to me. While the vexatious kid behind me kept kicking the chair that was already very stiff and uncomfortable, the lady beside me could not keep mute. She kept talking about her son who was in Bangalore, ostensibly already waiting for her at the airport. Then she went on to enquire about whether I was working or a student, whether I was married or single, whether I had a child or two, whether my husband was there at the airport and whether this and whether that! Keeping my cool, I tried answering all her questions as politely as possible and in the process gained knowledge about the fact that she was travelling as a guest. Her son had got married a year ago and she was visiting him in Bangalore (in order to educate her children about the importance of biological clock and persuade them to ‘gift’ her a grandchild).

I was seated between a lady, who snored while breathing and an old uncle, who had no control over his falling head! Quite frustrated with the customer service, I had made up my mind to tweet about the staff’s incompetence in allotting an aisle seat to me. While the vexatious kid behind me kept kicking the chair that was already very stiff and uncomfortable

She was boisterous, ostentatious and snobby! On the other hand, was the uncle who right away ignored my request for moving a little, so that I could use the restroom. A harrowing experience that it was turning out to be, I thought that only blocking myself away from all the chaos would be the right option. But alas! Sujata, as the lady was called, kept asking me something or the other. When the seatbelt sign was turned on, she didn’t quite know how to buckle up. I helped her, pitying her naivety. To my utter horror, she unbuckled her belt and then asked me to help her again. This went on for another four rounds. With my blood boiling, I wondered what wrong had I done in the past week that I deserved to be given that seat.

‘Ma’am, sit tight and sit still, for the take off might cause turbulence in your stomach if you move much,’ I advised and she took it. My stars!

To distract my already vexed mind, I took out the newspaper from the seat pocket. Ironically, the first article that my eyes spotted read ‘Bare Feet or the Seat-Kickers- What is the Most Annoying Thing People Do on Planes?’. It described a video that went viral some time ago of a woman who slept on two of the seats of the plane, with her legs on two different windows! People, I tell you!

Meanwhile, the old uncle, a potential victim of narcolepsy,  had fallen asleep as

soon as he had sat down. Unfortunately, his head had a problem of sleep-falling; it kept reaching out for my shoulder. As politely as possible, I put the head back in its place plenty of times. To distract my already vexed mind, I took out the newspaper from the seat pocket. Ironically, the first article that my eyes spotted read ‘Bare Feet or the Seat-Kickers- What is the Most Annoying Thing People Do on Planes?’. It described a video that went viral some time ago of a woman who slept on two of the seats of the plane, with her legs on two different windows! People, I tell you! As if that was not enough, I read about another incident where the passengers were most annoyed by the sick co-passengers. The unannounced sneeze or a roaring cough could take anyone by surprise, I am sure. I thanked God for not making me a potential carrier of Coronavirus because that’s what every sneeze meant now.

Just then, I felt an unaccustomed movement beside me. It was Sujata, trying to bend and get hold of her purse-cum-suitcase. She put the purse on her lap.

‘Ma’am, why don’t you put this bag under the seat?’ I asked.

‘Oh come on, it wouldn’t take much space. It will be easier for me to drink water if the bag is within reach,’ she disputed.

‘Right, I understand. So much distance, argh!’ I quipped.

What followed was a glare that could have put Superman’s deadly glare to shame! With a falling head on my right, a kicking leg behind and a chat machine on my left, I felt like a peninsula!

What followed was a glare that could have put Superman’s deadly glare to shame! With a falling head on my right, a kicking leg behind and a chat machine on my left, I felt like a peninsula! How I wished to have stayed back in Delhi at my aunt’s house!

Unaware that a momentary period of quiet was awaiting me, I tried to throw a hint at Sujata that I wasn’t interested in talking. And magically it worked. Soon enough I realised that it wasn’t magic but food that had stopped her from speaking. While she chewed her bun loudly, the metal bearing on her bag kept poking my elbow and eventually, something shot me in the arm- like a terrible needle of an injection. Screaming in pain, I stood up, letting the uncle’s head do a 360-degree spin.

‘Can someone please change my seat?’ I shouted.

The air hostess came rushing towards my seat. I think the stimulus was so strong that embarrassment took a back seat. After explaining my plight, I demanded another seat in the flight.

The air hostess came rushing towards my seat. I think the stimulus was so strong that embarrassment took a back seat. After explaining my plight, I demanded another seat in the flight. But the air hostess said, ‘There is no other seat in sight.’

‘That’s alright. I have almost finished my food. I think this lady here is annoyed because of this man. He doesn’t know where his head is swaying. I shall swap my seat with her,’ piped Sujata.

Other than me everyone else seemed relieved. They feted Sujata for her accommodating nature. What about me, you may ask? Well, out of the frying pan and straight into the fire, is what I would say.

Photo from the Internet