Mona criticises the shift in power dynamics, highlighting women as perpetrators of abuse, often targeting in-laws, and calls for awareness and action, exclusively for Different Truths.

There has been much talk about the oppression and abuse of women over centuries and I too have written extensively on the subject, as a victim. Whether it is an insecure, abusive mother-in-law, sister-in-law, boss or educator, women have been known to be instrumental in disempowering other women. 

While we must condemn it, it is important to be aware of a changing world, where women are now in a position, to disempower men and ill-treat their in-laws. As a mother-in-law, I can count my blessings, but I speak for innumerable parents, who are sadly afflicted with this cruelty.

There was a time when parents of the bride would sob as they bid their daughters farewell, since she would be expected to sever her maternal ties and surrender to her newly adopted family. If that was unfair…the pendulum now swings to the other extreme in a growing number of cases, where the bridegroom’s parents are tearful, in anticipation of “giving their sons away”! Little is discussed about the abuse of parents, who are deliberately denied their sons’ or grandchildren’s company, without them ever having deserved such punishment.  Perhaps we have not been as vocal in this regard because it might be politically incorrect.

However, if we want to make a difference, it is necessary to speak out. Research strongly indicates that loneliness, neglect, and lack of social interaction are significant risk factors for developing dementia. I am outraged by the fact that signs of depression among women due to utter loneliness, neglect, and lack of purpose are often conveniently dismissed as merely an old-age phenomenon.

Surely, personal care and company could delay the onset of possible dementia. I know many disparaged mothers, daughters, and sisters who will relate to this ode. I hope this creates awareness and generates change.

My Brother’s Wife

“Jis rishte me nahi azadi... usme pyar kaisa?”

My brother loves his wife so much
That both his hands are tied
He wouldn’t take his mother home,
She waited …till she died!
She’d jump up from her bed and call, 
“Aho! Ramu ala ka?” *
Certain he would say one day,
“Tumhi majhya ghari ya!” **
(* “Dear, has Ramu arrived? 
**You both please come stay with me”)
 
Till 90 years they lived alone
With zest and dignity
But Covid knocked them out of breath
And chased them with disease
 
My brother chose to bear the curse 
Of all who watched in horror 
The cold disdain that he displayed 
To please his daughter’s mother 
 
“I don’t care what people say”
She’d scoff with arrogance 
“Why, they all have maids alone
To care for their parents!” 

It didn’t matter that the maid
Would skip the nails and baths
They were both quite content 
To have a maid that lasts.
 
No one knew why he refused 
Sure, I would share the burden 
Won’t he care to spare his mum
Dark loneliness and boredom? 
My brother clearly was oblivious 
To his mother’s deep depression 
He’d drop in briefly when he could 
So pleased with his attention!
 
He didn’t ever feel or see 
His mother’s agony 
For never once alone had she
His daughter’s company 
 
For 18 years, the girl would tag 
Along with father-mother
Yet happily stayed alone
With her mother’s dear mater!!
 
His mother was a kind soul
Quick to apologise 
To the wife, so hard to please
With heart of stone and ice
 
I’ve heard it said that love is blind
To err they say is human
My brother, he turned beetle deaf
When his wife called Mummy,
“That woman”!
 
My brother loves his wife so much
He sold his precious soul 
Holidaying with his in-laws
While his parents were alone!
 
With all his wealth and fortune 
He couldn’t once afford 
To plan a happy holiday
For his dear parents, old!
 
His mother lay in bed for years
His wife did not spend one night
She cared instead for his expense
Holding their purse tight

My brother had no choice you see,
But to hide and pay his mother 
While his wife, up in her tower, 
Lived a life of fun ‘n leisure 

Yet, when his mother’s wealth was shared
His wife sat straight, alert
Ready to “press the buzzer”
As each item was held forth 
She grabbed what she could gather
Without the slightest shame
Until my poor brother 
Hung his head on all she claimed!
 
I must admit I failed to see
My brother’s wife’s true colors
And stood by her with loyalty
Distrusted though by others
What can one wish upon this soul, 
Who never loved my brother 
Except for his money, his repute
Nothing else mattered.
 
I wish my brother had a wife 
Who made him strong, a man
That he would earn true respect 
And blessings from the clan!

Picture design by Anumita Roy

Mona Vijaykar

Injustice prompts Mona Vijaykar into action. Not a poet but author-illustrator of the first Indian American children’s books, ‘The Vee Family,’; playwright and director of the musical, Indosaurus in Step; Mona led a nationwide protest to correct American school history textbooks; founded India in Classrooms, a program to dispel misrepresentation of the Indian civilization in schools; hosted The Globasaurus Show on radio. Mona’s interfaith panel participation aims to bring a deeper understanding of the Sanatana Dharma.

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