Lt. Col. Ankita laughs at herself and describes her faux pas and her mother-in-law’s dilemma during her brother-in-law’s wedding. A write-up replete with wit and humour, exclusively for Different Truths. 

While I could most easily march in an inconvenient military training environment wearing heavy drill boots with my rifle slung across my shoulders and lead my troops, which included men double my height and age; I would magically get transformed into one Supaandi just when I would be in front of my prim and proper mother-in-law. 

She has witnessed my inabilities of doing most of the household chores in such a wonky way leading her to gasp in exasperation; she decided not to give me any duty in my brother-in-law’s wedding ceremony lest the guests taunt her later.

The guests arrived. I dressed up beautifully in a sequinned work glittery saree, matching bangles, heavy gold jewellery and heavier makeup just kept standing doing nothing …. I couldn’t even fake that I am busy …. They smiled at me, I smiled back at them. The smiles of guests were of various meanings:

The older guests had questions in their smiles as to why the daughter-in-law had not been put to any work.
The middle-aged guests had mockery in their smiles as to how useless this daughter in law is.

The younger guests had irritation in their smiles as to why this daughter-in-law is doing nothing and just enjoying herself.

And here, I, the hard-working army officer, itched to be put on some duty … (yes army officers love to be in momentum!) 

So, I looked around to find a job for myself. I walked around the banquet hall and reached the dining area. A lone civilian waiter was arranging a pile of dinner plates. I decided to take on, “तुम वेटर हो?” 

He stared at me from top to bottom wondering this lady’s ensemble of a coy daughter-in-law doesn’t match with her tone at all. He didn’t reply. 

“अपने Supervisor को बुलाओ”

He ran inside and a few seconds later a rotund man in an oversized black suit, white shirt hanging out from one side and with red tie appeared in front of me.

“I want to do food tasting. I will check if it’s okay and then only you will lay it out for the guests. And give me report when the food is ready just before guests start helping themselves.” 

“How report,” he spoke in manageable English.

“भोजन प्रस्तुत है श्रीमान,” I taught him thinking this typical Fauji practice to announce about readiness of food will leave my in-laws totally bowled over granting them some kind of show off supremacy amidst their relatives ….

“And don’t forget to speak this in a loud voice,” I added before walking away to the main entrance to stand back like a mannequin …

The guests started moving towards the buffet table … the supervisor comes running with a plate heaped with rice, pooris, paneer, dahi vada, gulab jamun and pushes into my hand shouting, “ये लीजिए भोजन प्रस्तुत है आपके लिए.”

PS: Needless to mention, all the relatives went into instant shock thinking this daughter-in-law had arranged to eat first even before the guests could pick up the plates, I could see my mother-in-law had a tough time convincing each of the guests not to feel insulted!

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Lt. Col. Ankita Srivastava

Lt. Col. Ankita Srivastava with a flair for natural narration wears multiple hats. A veteran Army officer who later walked beauty pageants’ ramps. She won Tanishq 2008 and in Gladrags Mrs. India 2009 she won the 'Most Vivacious' award. An author, poet, a military humour writer, her books are 'The Pink Scarecrow' and 'Ahsaas'. A contributing author in 15 anthologies, she authored kindle fictions. Her next novel is 'From Olive Green to a Beauty Queen'.

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