From the Heart of the Womb

This story is in the form of a letter written by a lady in love with a younger man, who spurns her love. She writes to her lover. An intense verse-story by Ipsita, exclusively for Different Truths.

Dear Love,

I have often wondered why you had asked me out to dinner the first time we met, you were relentless till I agreed to meet you. And, if it was only with the idea of taking an attractive girl out so that she could be a prospective one-night stand, then why did you propose marriage some fifteen times that evening…even after you asked how old I was! Being so much older than you, marriage must have been a disqualified possibility.
Yet you proposed, not once… but every two minutes.

Maybe you were drunk, but then your proposals continued far beyond our first “date”.

Maybe you were drunk, but then your proposals continued far beyond our first “date”. I have always wondered what made you do that.

For a prospective one-night stand, which never really worked out that way and a prospective distraction from my over worked, all-work-and-no-play life we have come a long way, haven’t we?

We became friends
Shared togetherness
Danced like crazy
Drank from the same whiskey glass and same beer bottle.
Watched movies together.
Smoked cigars on the street
Ate egg rolls… and lemon tarts
And drank endless glasses of green tea.
I guess with you I could be, just be…
Maybe so could you…

We could open our hearts out, share deep dark secrets, trust each other to keep our worries safe…

 

We could open our hearts out, share deep dark secrets, trust each other to keep our worries safe,
We could laugh and swear
And I could read poetry
And you could share art…

And all through
You told me that all this sharing is still not enough…
That a fresh fertile womb is necessary…and that is what you will be loyal to…
That …that…
I am too old for you.
My womb is too old for you…

I have to confess, there are times I wondered where you were coming from?

You say your only true love is God.
Yes. That’s true
But show me one religious book which says that God does not reside in Man.

 

You say your only true love is God.
Yes. That’s true
But show me one religious book which says that God does not reside in Man.
God’s love is experienced in many ways and through many angels in the form of human beings
It is not a distant cold light
It is the arms of the mother, sister, father, friends and even the beloved through which one experiences God’s love.
To love a person honestly and loyally and to be loved back in that way is to experience a bit of Godliness

And, Oh yes, there were your other fancies.
Nameless, faceless women, you casually referred to
But we were friends.

 

And, Oh yes, there were your other fancies.
Nameless, faceless women, you casually referred to
But we were friends.
And we shared.
Openly so.
It started getting a little difficult with the specifics
Especially because you had started feeling like home to me…
You had.
In body and mind.
And you knew that..

I coped.
Handled whatever I felt.
Because you were my friend.
And in friendship I was there for you.
Although I suspect you knew and only because you knew my head and heart so well… that somewhere along the way we had grown into a little or a lot more than just friends…

But last month, just last month, when we met when you persistently insisted that you wanted to father my child, you touched a raw chord, my friend.

But last month, just last month, when we met when you persistently insisted that you wanted to father my child, you touched a raw chord, my friend.
My body is old
My womb has shrivelled
My heart still aches for my child
And you know that.

But
My child could never be a tick of a mindless checklist…
You see
My Child had to be born of love.
And nurtured in love
With the security and amidst the responsibility of a loving set of parents.

My Unborn Child

There you go again
My Unborn Child
Crying out to me
Wanting to come

If you were to be born
You would come to me
Through a night of unhurried moonlit passion
On the beach
Amidst the sound of the waves…

You would come to me
Through a billion zillion kisses
And togetherness that would consume all within me
And raise me to a singular emotion of Womanhood

And You
Would carry within yourself
The gust of wind
The smell of sand
The roll of waves
The shade of palms
The hue of the moon
The wonder of stars
The play of clouds
The love that swelled up
A passion that was ours
That memory for me
With the eternity of the Sea.

You see, my love, I never wanted my Man to just love the mother of his bloodline.

You see, my love, I never wanted my Man to just love the mother of his bloodline.
I wanted My Man to love me … as an independent person… to regard me as an individual..
To be thankful for my presence alongside him…
So that he wanted to create something of ours together..
And if my womb is not fertile enough…
It wouldn’t matter to him
I would
And we could build other stuff together.
Our things
Our dreams .

Somewhere, my heart started telling me that maybe, just maybe you meant something.
You had touched upon my rawest emotion

 

Somewhere, my heart started telling me that maybe, just maybe you meant something.
You had touched upon my rawest emotion

I understand that you are still vulnerable to succumbing to traditional pressures of bloodlines
I realise that while we are so great in so many ways…
It’s not enough..
It never is
If there isn’t love…
And fierce loyalty to that love
Because there are many distractions
And it’s easy to slip
Without love …

Tread carefully my love.
You know my soft spots
So if you care for me
Don’t trample all over it.

My baby is precious
Even unconceived.
Even unborn.
So is my love.
Both are precious

Don’t squeeze the last drop from the lemon
So that all that is left is a bitter aftertaste.

Don’t squeeze the last drop from the lemon
So that all that is left is a bitter aftertaste.

I am glad I met you my friend, my love
I am glad you came into my life
I am glad that we rocked
And shared
And blasted
And all in all we were super together.

For none knows me the way you do.
You see no one else ever felt like home.
The way you did
With no one could I bare my soul , the way I did with you.
No one else can decode me, the way you do.
But I need to be valued.
Valued the way my soul is
Much more than the age of my womb
By someone who can see the sparkle in my eyes
Beyond my graying hair
And aging body.

Someone who is proud of what I have been through
Who understands what I am going through
Who values what it had taken me to lead my
Life
Even the procrastinated motherhood…

And maybe a child will come to me one day
A child that may not have been born of me
And yet a child who like me feels alone
And is waiting to be loved

 

And maybe a child will come to me one day
A child that may not have been born of me
And yet a child who like me feels alone
And is waiting to be loved.
Loved not for a reason
Not for a lineage
But for itself

And maybe we will be bonded
Mother and Child
Beyond the ordinariness of blood and womb
And into a Bond of Humanity and love.

And I will keep waiting
My Child

The Wait

My Child~ I long to savour your longing
And the symphony of our hearts that would beat together
In a synchronised rhythm…
A rhythm, that I will never know now
And, I will never know the agony
Of Me waiting for you
And You waiting for me
Old worry warts, the both us,
My Child.

My Child~ I long to touch you
And see my smiling eyes in your face
And my button nose, which is also yours
My snort which you also own
My Child.

I was waiting for you,
To teach me and make me a mother~ My Child.
Your happiness over mine,
Your quirks that I would cope with
Your sad days that I would be devastated with
My child.

But the time has gone
And so is the touch of you,
My dream~ a longing lingering into infinity
My Child.

Be happy my love
And one day, someday maybe … you too..
Will be able to fly in love.
For now
I say Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to the limitations of the body.

Yours,
The Heart of the Womb

Photo from the Internet