Rupa shares the woes of handling aliments and an almost two-month multiple doctor visits, labs, tests, scans, etc. An exclusive for Different Truths.  

June 15^th onwards, last eight-nine weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions, tears, talks with closest people. This was start of multiple doctor visits, labs, tests, scans, etc.  It began with the chiropractor visit one week after my painful back debilitated me and lasted five plus weeks. X-rays suggested calculi, i.e. kidney and gall stones. Ultrasound reports confirmed gall stones and kidney cyst 16 x 11 x 15mm with septation(wall). Pelvic ultrasound and Gynae visits confirmed growing Nabothian cyst, cervical nodule, and ovarian mass with thickening walls and septate cyst, when they should be shrinking.

It was like one organ after another were vying for attention – saying #MeToo

It was like one organ after another were vying for attention – saying #MeToo, did you give me the TLC I needed, your stress juices corroded our wellbeing!

Gynae referred me to laparoscopic surgeon, who advised hysterectomy plus removal of gall bladder to avoid possible gall stone risks. He ordered CT scan which popped up an unexpected pancreatic mass of 3cms on head and uncinate process, leading me to a Gastroenterologist, who prescribed MRI and blood work.

Depending on GI visit and reports, with or without biopsy they foresee pancreatic resect in addition to hysterectomy.

Depending on GI visit and reports, with or without biopsy they foresee pancreatic resect in addition to hysterectomy. God willing there is no malignancy and it is contained and not spread out.

Thanks to my Quora family of experts and patients; my loved ones – I understand there is hospitalisation, tubes, recovery time and gradual getting back into walking, movements, resuming of normal work,

Fear of surgery complications; leakage, damage to pancreas, or surrounding parts or any setback in recovery is anxiety causing alright. Add to it, medical coverage is not the best, after 7.5k deductible and high co-pays, I’m responsible for 40% of the expenses, which are exorbitant.

CT scan and MRI are experiences have been uniquely overwhelming. The tunnel you are guided into for MRI can be claustrophobic and loud through earplugs too.

CT scan and MRI are experiences have been uniquely overwhelming. The tunnel you are guided into for MRI can be claustrophobic and loud through earplugs too. I tried to close my eyes and imagine green meadows and sea breeze and though of my darling papa who went through this experience despite his hatred for enclosed spaces, and he was a doctor.

Battery of X-rays, Ultrasounds, Cat-scan, MRI, blood work, examinations and visiting PCP; Gynae; surgeon, GI, labs, majority by myself can feel daunting one after another.

Thoughts of mortality, lifespan, quality of life flashes through the anxious fickle mind.

Thoughts of mortality, lifespan, quality of life flashes through the anxious fickle mind. One realises the fear, helplessness, inevitability of life.

I want to close loops with few unfinished relationships. I miss my dad who was a doctor, he did not believe in prescribing medicines, was conservative in his outlook with non-invasive and non-aggressive treatment approach for most part. By the time his cancer was diagnosed on his 75th birthday, he had stage 4-prostate, lung cancer.  Feb was his birthday and in six months on September 17th he was gone. I wish I was physically there with him, for him, for me. I know he is there at the other end to take care of me and make me laugh and embrace me like he did on this earth.

Mom at 83 with her aches, pains, and frustrating ways few times makes it difficult for herself plus family with her. I would have loved to visit her once but I may not be able to for a while till things settle down which may take some time. She is all I have after dad who celebrates my joys, successes and feels for me, relates to my childhood and evolution like none else.

My sister and I are extremely close who is my rock through my lows and tough times, and my brother-in-law is someone who is a ray of sunshine with his goofiness, songs, jokes and warmth that is pure. My sister is a fighter since I know her as a kid who will not give up, uphold me when I am the wimp. Her connections in form of medical advice also came through for me.

Siblings when far, distances and interactions can be inhibiting. Yet there is this tug inside for the sibling you shared childhood, fights, memories, parents with.

Siblings when far, distances and interactions can be inhibiting. Yet there is this tug inside for the sibling you shared childhood, fights, memories, parents with. I miss

them. They are there for me in their own ways.

Dear friends who I share my life with even from a distance, have been rocks, sound of reason, sense of calm and sanity through this journey, who are going through their own battles but are there to uphold me.

As I prepare for my next visit to the GI, which had to be postponed because MRI reports did not reach him, I brace myself for news-hopefully not too bad. But I need to surrender to what may come.

I closed a couple of inactive bank accounts in the name of simplifying for future. I need to clean up my space, declutter physical space and mind, so that when I return after surgery, I have a calm surrounding.

I closed a couple of inactive bank accounts in the name of simplifying for future. I need to clean up my space, declutter physical space and mind, so that when I return after surgery, I have a calm surrounding. Should my maternal aunt opt to spend a few days with me, when my sister comes we can be in a more peaceful setting. Even otherwise I do need to be organised physically for my mental declutter too and get chaos out of my space.

As time comes closer for bigger events of medical procedures, recovery, building up back again-I hope I will take more risks; enjoy life more by being with my loved ones more and soaking in the surrounding and beauty.

I have tried to live by the conviction that if I can do good, or support or help anyone I will.

Do I have regrets? Not really. I have tried to live by the conviction that if I can do good, or support or help anyone I will. I like to believe I did not bad mouth anyone for most part, I have been fair and just. I have intentionally not hurt or harmed. I will and must accept as things come my way.

I do not know what complications or road to recovery ahead is – but I know I need right attitude, people, and thinking!

Photos sourced by the author  and the internet