Reading Time: 5 minutes
In introspection, Ruchira asks some hard questions, in the weekly column, exclusively in Different Truths.
I never blindly followed social norms and customs. Period. For this, I have to thank my parents. Though essentially middle class, yet they literally were avant-garde in their own quiet little ways.I was brought up as an individual, not a girl. For my tomboyish unruly ways, people nagged my parents no end. I studied in a ‘propah’ convent school (run by nuns), which were pretty expensive those days. Folks cribbed: why waste so much money on a girl’s education. My parents turned a deaf ear. The ravings and rantings continued throughout adolescence. Neighbours/family friends wanted me to learn needlecraft, embroidery, cooking et al. My family was with me when I opted for commercial art instead. After my college and university studies were over I had very brief teaching stints in a couple of residential schools. Still, later when I sought admission in universities abroad, people volunteered information on the hazards of sending an unmarried young girl to aphoren country. Fortunately for them, it did not materialise.
Daring to be Different
I am a 60’s child. Through the 80s & 90s most young women opted for academics (both school & university) if not medical or engineering. My choice of journalism/media again raised eyebrows. Turning to personal life, there was no segregation of sexes during my growing up years. My male friends and
Views on Faith, Society, Relationships
In all of my fifty odd years, I have been fairly secular. Secular in the sense I often go to church – Mass or otherwise, prayed at Mazaars for the well-being of ailing friends or relatives, prayed at Gurudwaras and what have you. Religion invariably raises the issue of food. A die-hard non-vegetarian, I enjoy seafood, fish, poultry, mutton, pork and beef as well. I am tempted ridicule those individuals who club onion and garlic with “forbidden food.” Why in the name of heavens don’t they realise that both purely plant products (minus bloodshed and killing) packed with medicinal & nutritional values? Why discard them because of their natural odours? A million dollar question.
Looking back, when the question of matrimony cropped up my parents put up ads in dailies, with a rider: caste and religion no bar. Since my choice was the sole criterion for the final decision I went on
Equal, Cordial Partnership
Throughout this stormy phase, my husband stood beside me like a solid rock and the daughter is the apple of his eyes. I am thankful to him for this. My spouse is open to my association with men socially or professionally. Interestingly, he gets along very well with them. Such a blessing. In our private lives, we are more friends than a couple; believe it or not, hardly have any secrets from each other. He trusts me completely. Therefore, he had no qualms when I went off on a couple of overseas tours all by myself. Our mutual frankness and candid views have permeated into our offspring. When she was a child, we neither swapped TV channels nor leave the room while “adult” stuff was on the air. It was I who taught her about birds and bees. The three of us can freely discuss everything under the sun – well almost!
Eye on the Future
This liberal attitude has heightened after she joined the medical profession. We have assured her total freedom to live her own life on her own terms. I strongly feel her views on marriage and sexuality are none of our business. Prudes might be aghast to learn that I am even open to the idea of a live-in
Summing Up
My idea of a feminist or a liberated woman envisages a life of dignity and self-respect access to quality education, choice of profession, freedom in the choice of a life partner, right to faith, and freedom of speech. One must be allowed to give vent to her whims and fancies, so long they are not illegal or detrimental to society. A woman‘s place is not at the feet of man but by his side. If otherwise, the society be damned!
©Ruchira Adhikari Ghosh
Photos from the Internet
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