Travelling to iconic locations like the Hagia Sophia, the Vatican, and airports, Soumya provides an insightful and humourous look at the world of public facilities, exclusively for Different Truths.

Being a bong, like all bongs, I have a delicate belly, an obsession with food and travel combined with a weakness for drinks. This resulted in experiencing various washrooms in various countries, and in all kinds of well-known locations.

They include, amongst others, the Hagia Sophia… the world’s most famous mosque, the Vatican, the seat of Christianity, the Angkor Vat, the world’s largest temple, the Versailles Palace, homage to royalty, the metropolitan museum, the temple of the sciences, and the Louvre, the temple of arts.

Thus, you can see that I am truly secular in the choices of washrooms and a connoisseur of the conveniences across countries.

I also had to try out the facilities in airports on four continents.

The ones in the lounge are of course excellent, with showers and toiletries that you can steal, especially the travelling shaving foams. I’m still using the stock nowadays that I travel cattle class with less comfortable facilities.

I noticed with disappointment that despite all our Swachata missions, public facilities outside India, even in third-world countries, are much cleaner than their Indian equivalents. Although the toilets in trains have progressed much beyond those days when a mug used to be chained by the tap, and people rarely flushed, still it’s a far cry from the European trains.

The honour for the dirtiest airport loo goes to my hometown Kolkata, and during the periodic workers’ strikes, it resembles the bus station toilets in the hinterland and takes nerves of steel and blocked nostrils to be able to use them.

This time we noticed the influence of a great many immigrants in Europe, as the trains had signs, we were familiar with in India in the toilets, which we call western style toilets… please do not squat on the seats, and flush after use.

Incidentally, public toilets in Europe and North America aren’t free, and the fee isn’t the token one rupee or two of our sulabh sauchalayas, but a hefty three euros or dollars, and we, poor Indian tourists, converting it in rupees often lose the urge to use them.

Even in restaurants, you are permitted to use the washrooms only if you’ve ordered something. So often we would enter a McDonald’s outlet, something we never did to eat with so many exciting options available, and order the cheapest item usually fries and coke, to save the three euros for the washrooms.

The classiest loos of course are the Japanese, but you need training and a manual to use them without mishaps, but once you’ve figured out the technology, it’s sheer luxury, and you want to spend as much time as possible inside.

But the best facilities are available only to trekkers in India, especially in the hills. In the lap of nature, the sky above you, greenery around, scenic views and a pristine stream to wash in. Just a few things to remember, drinking water upstream from your camping area and washrooms downstream. And it’s vital to remember, never camp downstream of another camp, or his washrooms become your drinking water.

Once, on a trek in the Himalayas, a lady asked our guide the way to the washrooms. The guide expensively explained, here upto the Chinese border are the ladies’ facilities, and here to the plains are of the gentlemen.

Picture design by Anumita Roy

Soumya Mukherjee

Soumya Mukherjee is an alumnus of St Stephens College and Delhi School of Economics. He earns his daily bread by working for a PSU Insurance company, and lectures for peanuts. His other passions, family, friends, films, travel, food, trekking, wildlife, music, theater, and occasionally, writing. He has been published in many national newspapers of repute. He has published his first novel, Memories, a novella, hopefully, the first of his many books. He blogs as well.

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