Standing tall, against all odds, Pragya defied norms and taboos of her Marwari community, joining theatre. Her search for identity is narrated in an evocative confessional piece, exclusively for Different Truths.

Unbelievable… 10 years, really? Seriously? Ten long years…seems as if I have lived an era doing theatre. But sometimes it seems that the time just flew past, pata hi nahi chala (I did not even realise).

You were right, Ramanjit Ma’am. If we gave 10 years to theatre, we would make history.

And we did make history.

Women from our Marwari/Agarwal community are dissuaded to pursue theatre. Nautanki, as it is derogatorily called, in our society. Bahus (daughters-in-law) of good families don’t get into the showbiz profession. It’s really looked down upon by this section of the business class families.

It maligns the family name. What will the people say! Not only my in-laws but my parents too were against my doing theatre. They would say, “Kya kar rahi ho, pagal ho gayi ho, ye nautanki chhodo aur apne ghar aur baccho par dhyan do….” (What are you doing? Have you gone mad! Leave this theatre or whatever you are doing and take care of your family and children). So inspite of the family, both sides being against it, I continued pursuing it with complete honesty, sheer hard work and a complete surrender to my Guru, Ramanjit Ma’am. 

Twenty-four of us, all women, homemakers, and businesswomen, started out with this first all-women batch, in January 2012. Now just two, Vinita Abhani and I are going strong from that first batch. We are doing all-women’s theatre productions since last 10 years. We are surging ahead, inspite of our personal battles.

You were right Ma’am, we persisted and continued in theatre. We made history and we inspired so many more women of our community to join theatre. It found acceptance, at least at a certain level and a little respect too, I guess!

I was living a good comfortable life 10 years ago. But I was only breathing, not living in the real sense. Theatre added meaning to my life – a sense of existence. It reintroduced me to myself. Marriage, kids, jewellery business kept the wheels of time speeding. But theatre punched the pause button.

It took away my tainted spectacles and I saw myself and the world around me in a new light. I began observing and absorbing. I started living each day, each hour, each minute, each moment as it came. Life became beautiful. Not that there were no ups and downs, but I learnt to completely dive into my pain as it came. Just as I dived into my happiness. I let the tears of pain harden the cemented ground under my feet.

Pain gave me motivation. It became my best teacher. I learnt to watch myself and my experiences good or bad as a third person and started learning from them, learning from my mistakes and human behaviour.

Theatre provided a safe space, where I could let down my masks, my guards and just ‘Be’ – be myself. I explored myself. Explored new talents in me.

Theatre brought out the poet in me. Allowed it to bloom for the world to see and acknowledge. Some don’t acknowledge the poet in me even today. But I write because I shall have sleepless nights if I don’t. It just flows out when something touches or cajoles my heart and soul. 

I have fought so many battles in these last 10 years. I won some, lost some. My struggle existed then. It exists now. But now I know, struggle’s synonym is life, or should I say,

life is a struggle….

How did these 10 years pass? I have just no clue. I ran sometimes. I jumped sometimes. Sometimes I limped. And sometimes I wriggled. But I kept moving ahead, ‘One step at a time’, chanting all the time.

I broke my legs many times. I was heartbroken many a times. Wounded umpteen times. And murdered… don’t remember how many times? With blinders on my eyes, I kept looking ahead, moving ahead.

When the road seemed difficult, my heart would shout out, Bas, this is my last play, no more!

Muttering, bas, one last step…bas, one last play. I kept at it. And see, I am one of the strongest (I am the only one who did all the women’s productions @TCAA in these last 10 years). Me, the weakest player!

I found this new family, new friends, non-judgemental, who stood by me with open arms and teddy bear hugs. And so much love and support. These 10 years were the golden period. Full of precious memories, unimaginable learnings. Deep gratitude, Ramanjit Ma’am, not only as my Guru, but a splendid human being too!

‘Baawre Mann ke sapney’
Dekhe bhi aur jiye bhi
Apne ‘Simayon se parey’ jaa kar
Chakhey ‘Khatti imli, mitthey ber’* 

We not only ignited our ‘Burning Bubbles’
But floated on them, finding 
our true selves ‘Beyond Borders’
And with great efforts and hard work 
we managed to play the ‘Dice of Desires’. 

*Dreams of crazy mind
I saw and lived
Crossing the borders
Tasted sour tamarind and sweet berries
               (English translation of the first four lines of the poem by Arindam Roy)

Author’s Note: The names within the inverted commas in the poem above are names of the plays performed by the TCAA women’s batch in these last 10 years.

Photos by the author

Pragya Gupta

Pragya Gupta is an actor, poet, jewellery designer, social entrepreneur, and founder, 'TINESSA' - designer diamond jewellery brand. Also, founder of 'Blood Warriors', a support group 'By & For' Thalassemia patients and parents. Repertoire member, The Creative Arts Academy, an all-women theatre group. It has performed in award winning plays, nationally and internationally. Her short film, 'A Date with the Unknown' received the Best Thriller Award by FICCOC, Venezuela, in 2018.

See Full Bio