Mani walks down the memory lane and tells us how she and her friend, as little girls, did something that now looks scary. From this week, we are introducing a fortnightly column on parenting. An exclusive for Different Truths.

‘Every child needs a champion; an adult who will never give up on them’. ~ Rita F. Pearson

The above lines tell us what I am going to elaborate below. What exactly is the role of a parent in a kid’s life?

A lot of us will be able to answer this question well. We all are very good with words and very idealistic on paper. However, when I ask incidents or stories to support the answers from one’s own life, maybe that might appear a bit challenging for some.

Again, there is no right or wrong in parenting as every individual will have their own style.

Support Kids

Having said that, I still believe that in some places parents should have the same answers and supporting the kids is one of them.

Parents will always say that of course we support our kids.

However, does the above statement hold true for all of us?

Is our family truly a support system for each other?

Let me elaborate this with a story from my childhood…

My family stayed at the outskirts of the city of Allahabad, in the IFFCO township, which was about 35 km from Allahabad city. My father was a doctor there and my mother a teacher.

Sleepovers

I was very outgoing and adventurous from the very beginning and would always challenge the status quo. Things that are very common today were unheard of during those days. Things like sleepovers!

The idea of spending 24 hours with your friend and staying awake all night talking about boys and secret stuff was very appealing and exciting. So, one day one of my friends and I decided to sleep over where I was to go to her house first.

I was in year 7 then. I asked my father if I could stay overnight at my friend’s house. And as expected my father outrightly rejected the idea, he however suggested that he had no objection if my friend was to come over to our house.

As we stayed a bit away from the city, my friends’ parents wanted her to be picked up and dropped back. I asked my parents about this and if at all we could accommodate this idea. They said they did not have time or resources to pick and drop. So, I suggested that instead of them doing that was it ok for me to go with the friend and bring her home on a later bus.

My father rejected that option (quite rightly as he was concerned about my safety).

I was very sad and disappointed and knew that there was no way now that I could have a sleepover. But I was determined, so what did I do?

Sly Plan

Without informing my parents, I stayed back after school and just went ahead with my plan. I went to my friends’ place. And then we both took the bus and got back to my place by 9 pm at night. 

Today, when I think about that night it still gives me goosebumps. Because I know that I had risked my safety, then. And in the process had stressed my parents, who might have gone through hell as I did not come back in the school bus.

Thank God that nothing untoward happened. We reached home safely.

This incident gave me a life lesson.

I thought “why did I do this?” and “why did I not listen to my parents?” But then I also think, had my parents recognised my need for a sleepover at that time. And had stood by me and supported me. All of us would have been spared of all the mental torment.

They could have suggested that they would come with me to pick up my friend. I know it is not always easy to make time. But it is important and a necessity considering today’s times.

Communication Gap

These days many parents complain of a huge communication gap with their kids. But when kids try to reach out to the parents, the parents are usually missing. Sad!!

Relationships are built slowly with trust and support where kids should always have the confidence that no matter what, my parents are always there for me. Opportunities need to be grabbed and recognised every day to show your love and care to your kid. As every action when well thought out is the way towards a good and meaningful bond.

See, if a kid is hell bent or so emotionally invested with someone or something do not say no as with no you are encouraging the child to disobey and be secretive about a lot of things that you could have been a part of.

Kids in Bad Company

There are a few cases where due to such issues of lack of support and delay in show of care and love, kids get into bad company, get into drugs or in extreme cases even suicidal or else trigger some mental illness.

Don’t let the warmth that you share with your child deplete. 

Instead of losing your kid, as a parent, exercise your power judiciously. Get strong. Gather the courage. And utter these words to your child, “I have your back, no matter what”.

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Mani Dixit

Mani Dixit is an Indian settled in Sydney, Australia. She works in a bank. She is a Youtuber and her YouTube channel is called ‘Bindaas Baatein’, in which, she openly talks about all the taboo subjects. In her family along with her husband and mother - in - law, she has a beautiful daughter and a charming son.

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