Dr. Priyamita weaves a story about a young, bright Engineering undergraduate student, Rohit, who suffers from depression and his psychiatrist, Dr. Anuradha Mukherjee. She explores the dynamics of their relationship, exclusively for Different Truths.
Anu looked wearily at the appointment-list. It had been a long day! Thankfully, only one more patient was waiting for her. Rohit Sen…
Ah, Rohit! Anu chuckled softly. Rohit reminded her so much of herself. Rohit was 23 years old, tall, gangly with a mop of unruly hair. He had piercing intelligent eyes behind thick glasses. He was a brilliant student, always the class-topper and overly ambitious. He had landed himself in one of the top Engineering colleges and had just completed his degree.
Anu looked at the several certificates adorning the walls of her clinic. Dr. Anuradha Mukherjee, MBBS, MD, MRCP, DM. In so many ways, she had also been the starry-eyed ambitious girl once. She had also been the class-topper and gold medallist in her medical college. She was a renowned psychiatrist now. Her book on psychiatry, ‘Human Emotions: The Raw Deal’ had earned several accolades and received rave reviews!
She was often invited to give lectures in international seminars across the globe!
She was often invited to give lectures in international seminars across the globe! She had started her psychiatric practice with only two-three patients a day, now she had to refer patients to other doctors, she had so many! Her hard work had finally paid off.
Rohit’s First Visit
Anu remembered Rohit’s first visit to her clinic, about a year ago. His mother had just expired, and it had affected him very badly. He had all the classical signs of depression- insomnia, anxiety, guilt, complete social withdrawal, and occasional suicidal thoughts.
“Why don’t you talk about your mother’s death?” She had asked him.
Rohit had said, with a tormented look, “Well if you must know, she didn’t die…I killed her.”
Rohit had told her everything, with a haunted look in his eyes.
Rohit had told her everything, with a haunted look in his eyes. His mother had met with an accident and having suffered a severe head injury, she was in a deep coma. The doctors had run several tests and tried several modalities of treatment but had finally surrendered. She was to be maintained artificially in a heart-lung machine!
Finally, one day the doctors informed him that she had no hope! Rohit went to visit his mother several times but could not bear to look at her vacant eyes and hold her cold lifeless hand. After a few weeks, he could not take it anymore, he told the doctors to take her off the life-saving machine.
He looked at her eyes one last time, kissed her forehead and felt her heartbeat for the last time.
Severe Depression
Rohit had spiralled into severe depression after those intense feelings of guilt and anxiety had consumed him. One day, after being hospitalised for a severe panic attack, he was referred to Dr Anuradha Mukherjee.
Anu looked up as he sauntered in looking more like a guitarist of a rock-band…
Anu looked up as he sauntered in looking more like a guitarist of a rock-band than an engineer! She noticed the box of sweets in his hand and greeted him with a smile.
Anu: Well, some good news is in the offing, I guess?”
Rohit: Yes, I have finally bagged a job, my Engineering degree is not totally useless after all.
Anu: That’s wonderful. Where is it?
…I will be out of this city and out of your hair, once and for all.
Rohit: That’s the thing. It’s in Gurgaon. So, I will be out of this city and out of your hair, once and for all.
Anu: You will miss Kolkata a lot, won’t you?
Rohit: Not really. But I will miss you a lot.
The Last Session
Anu looked away. She recalled the last session that they had two months ago. Rohit had been unusually quiet that day. Anu had tried to make him feel comfortable by talking about inane topics, but Rohit seemed perturbed. He had kept on glancing shiftily all over the room and averted his gaze whenever she asked him a direct question.
After a long time, he had blurted out, “I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”
Anu was taken aback but not entirely shocked.
Anu was taken aback but not entirely shocked. She was almost 40 now and after so many years of practice in psychiatry, she knew it was common for patients to develop ‘transference’ (redirection of a patient’s romantic feelings towards their therapist). Rohit had recently lost his mother and the emotional void left by her, coupled with the stress of Engineering exams and the pressure of getting a job had rendered him weak and vulnerable.
Anu was his confidante, he had shared his deepest secrets and fears with her, he had opened his heart to her. It was hardly surprising that he had developed some romantic feelings for her!
College Sweethearts
Anu thought of her college days, of the time when she had fallen in love. Ah, love! The sweet agony of it all! She and Sunil were college sweethearts. After getting their MBBS degree, they got married and started their rigorous struggle together as junior doctors, the exhausting night duties, the incessant exams, and the cut-throat competition.
Sunil had admired her for her ambition, her drive, and her relentless hard work.
Strangely enough, he began to detest these very qualities later in their marriage.
Strangely enough, he began to detest these very qualities later in their marriage. Was it because she had become a far more successful doctor than he could ever dream of? Or was it because she always put her career first (like he always complained)? They had a bitter divorce two years ago.
Anu was happy after the divorce. She finally had some mental peace; she was getting so tired of the constant bickering and the blame-games! Was she lonely? No, she didn’t think so, between her super-busy schedule, seeing a whole lot of patients, writing a book, she couldn’t tell how time flew by!
Anu wondered why she had not referred Rohit to another psychiatrist…
Anu wondered why she had not referred Rohit to another psychiatrist, especially when he had confessed his feelings for her. She could’ve easily told Rohit to see Dr Abhishek Poddar (her senior, who had referred a lot of patients to her).
A Trophy
Was it because she had always thought of Rohit as a success-story? A trophy? A feather in her cap, as she had successfully brought out Rohit from the darkest abyss of depression. Or was she suffering from a mid-life crisis herself and Rohit gave her an ego-boost made her feel appreciated and desirable, once again?
For the first time in several years, she felt so alive whenever she spoke to him.
For the first time in several years, she felt so alive whenever she spoke to him. Sometimes she felt like she was a carefree teenager once again! The problem with being a psychiatrist is that psychoanalysing became a second nature, even her own darkest thoughts were not safe in the vault of her head anymore!
She looked at Rohit now. He looked like a lost lamb in this big bad world. His eyes, so deep, so sad, it reflected the pain in hers, she thought, Rohit’s last session with Anu was finally over.
A New Beginning
He was going to Gurgaon the next day to start a new life, a new beginning! Anu wished him all the best and told him to call her if he needed any help. However, deep down, she knew Rohit would never contact her again.
On a whim, Rohit hugged Anu before leaving. Anu didn’t hug him back, but she didn’t push him away either! After Rohit had left, Anu took out the piece of paper from her bottom drawer and read the poem that Rohit had written for her (once again) and smiled to herself…
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