Sex Advice from Dr. Rupa Mehta

Different Truths introduces Agony Aunt, Rupa Mehta, She will answer all your sex queries that lower your self esteem or trouble you, once a month. This month she answers three questions: the shame of small breasts, when staying power of a man causes doubt and parents’ grudge to success.

Qs. I am a 42 year old homemaker. Originally from Assam, I live in Tennessee with my husband and a daughter. I have high libido and am multi-orgasmic. I am ashamed of my small breasts, 34 B though my hips are round and full. I have faced many insulting comments (almost always women). What can I do to increase the size of my breasts? I do not want any surgical intervention. Is there any massage or oral medication that I might rely on? What are the possible side effects/reactions of oral medication? Please help me boost my self confidence.
Shilpi Sen, Tennessee, USA.

Dear Shilpi,
Thanks for writing in.

Let me tell you at the outset that the way that you think about yourself has a huge influence on your self-esteem. If you keep telling yourself that you’re no good, you might just start to believe it even though it’s not true.

Medical Fact: There is no safe/effective medication, cream, herbs, or nonsurgical method to significantly increase breast size. Be careful about believing heavily marketed ‘miracles’ that you will undoubtedly read/hear about.
Talking about your worries, do know that not all women have the big boob advantage. Listed below are some factors responsible for small boobs:
• Hormonal imbalance
• Poor diet or malnutrition
• Low body fat content
• Genetic factor
• Energy blockage
• Emotional problems such as stress and depression that might affect hormone levels.

Small boobs may pose a few problems, which are mostly physical and emotional.

Having small breast may be embarrassing, especially in areas where bigger boobs are admired. Some girls/women are afraid to mix well with guys because of the fear of insults, while others have become depressed and as a result lost their confidence and self esteem.

If you hate your body, people around you will notice it, and that will then influence their attitude towards you. On the other hand, if you can accept your body and are happy, and take the best care of it the way you can, it will also affect how others see you.

Don’t compare yourself to others, your body is yours, respect it, love it and look after it.
Best Wishes, Rupa

Qs. I am in my mid 50s, a corporate honcho, based in Delhi. I make love with my wife and girl friends for a very long time, between 45mins to an hour before I ejaculate. Often I remain hard even after coming. While some women enjoy having sex with me, my wife feels that there is something wrong with me. I can have sex for long hours. Is this some kind of a problem? My sex drive is very high too so also my imagination and wild fantasies. Do I need any medical help?
Raj Shekhar, Delhi, India

Dear Raj Shekhar,
I’m sure you might guess what I’m going to say. There is no ‘correct’ time that sex should last for. Preferences vary. As do the opportunities to have sex – with some allowing for more time than others.

Does your wife feel something is wrong with you? Or is it just a smarter way to let you know that she doesn’t enjoy these long-lasting sessions, not always.

Rather than arguing over what’s ‘right’ or ‘normal’ during sex, it may help if you both have face –to-face communication to discuss your likes and dislikes in bed. Talk about things you’d like to do together – which may be things you’ve done before or are yet to experience.

Avoid focusing on or avoiding activities that take up ‘long’ time (it’s a relative aspect). Instead add things you’d enjoy with the options of some of these taking a while and others being quickies. You might just totally end up enjoying new stuff too!

It’s great that you have a good sex drive. Enjoy it! If you do choose to continue dividing your time amongst various women beware of the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases. Ensure protection, and of course, you have to manage your time and affections fairly!
Best Wishes. Rupa

Qs. I can’t help thinking my parents are jealous of everything I’ve achieved. I’m 36, married with one son, and running my own business. My life is hectic but hugely rewarding, however, my parents make cutting comments about how ‘lucky’ I am. They roll their eyes when they hear where we’re going on holiday and when we showed them our new car, they were grumpy .The thing is, they pushed me to work hard and succeed – what’s their problem now?
Ravi Raj, Chennai, India

Dear Ravi,
Your parents might have encouraged you to do well, but they’re only human.

Understand why they act the way they do. Humanely consider their backgrounds and life experiences. Sadly, negative experiences, like abused childhood or the way a person was raised shape people negatively. Like the old saying goes, you can’t really understand someone fully until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Also, keep in mind that all human beings are fallible, and we all have our own weaknesses and faults

If they now feel that they’ve not realised your potential in life, it might explain their begrudging respect for your success now. Don’t allow them to get to you – rise above the barbs and carry on, because you’re obviously doing a lot of things right. If you can afford to give your parents a treat, do so. Otherwise, make sure that they know how much you appreciate their continued love and support.
Best Wishes, Rupa

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Dr. Rupa Mehta

Dr. Rupa Mehta

In her clinical practice, Dr Rupa Mehta delivers therapy and other treatments to adult and adolescence clients with a wide range of emotional, behavioural, and adjustment problems, such as anxiety, stress, depression, and relationship problems, including sexual problems. Dr. Rupa Mehta is a passionate practitioner in the field of clinical psychology who divides her time between clinical practice, training and consulting, and scholarly writing.
Dr. Rupa Mehta

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