Different Truths’ Agony Aunt, Rupa Mehta, answers all your sex queries that lower your self esteem, trouble you or casts a doubt in your relationship, once a month. This month she answers two questions: the problem of one-night stand and unwanted pregnancy, and the risks of threesomes.
Qs. I am a 28- year-old executive, single, male, looking for fun in my relationships. I had a one night stand, and now a month later she’s saying she’s pregnant. We had used a condom, don’t how she could have got pregnant. But, I want her to get an abortion as I’m sure she doesn’t want kids with me and me with her. However, after a very brief text chat she has blocked me, so no more contact with her. This seems strange. I told her I’ll pay for what is needed to get an abortion, as we have no relationships whatsoever. I am baffled. What should I do? Please help.
~ Shyam, Delhi
You have got yourself into a situation, surely. This cannot be undone, so you both have to deal with it, and fast!
You say that this was one-night stand, but you didn’t say whether you actually know the girl or just picked her up somewhere.
Are you really sure you are the one who got her pregnant? Or that she is pregnant? Did she show you a pregnancy text or results from the doctor?
I understand that you are not shying away from taking ‘some responsibility’, if she is pregnant. While you may be willing to pay for it, she might not be willing to have an abortion. It’s her body, her choice. If you know where she lives, go see her. If she is not going to respond in anyway, keep the text chat, get some legal advice. In the meantime, sit down and have some serious thoughts of all the possible worst and best case scenarios and what it is you are prepared to do in the event she is and wants to keep the pregnancy. Nothing much you can do at this point.
I will advice strongly that you, if she decides to have the baby do a DNA test before paying anything.
Next time make sure that you buy a packet of condoms and practice putting them on. You don’t need a hole in a condom to have an ‘accident’. If a condom isn’t put on right it’s possible too.
Best Wishes, Rupa
Qs. My boyfriend (32) and I (29) have been together for about three years and have had a great sex life with lots of experimentation, as we both have high sex drives. He has always wanted to have a threesome, and a casual acquaintance of mine said she would be willing to be the third, as I had been on the lookout for a willing participant.
So about two weeks, ago we both went to my bf’s apartment. My bf and I had already established rules of engagement. Nobody was to be left out and everyone was to be treated equally. The minute we entered, and I introduced them to each other, I seemed to totally disappear for him. He pounced on her and I had to push myself in to take part in the whole group sex. Thankfully, things got better and all three of us had a good time. But I am still hurt, angry and upset that my bf just blinded me out. When confronted, he said he was only trying to make her comfortable. Even though he has said he hopes we can get past this, I’m not so sure I can; because the hurt and anger has not subsided. My question is should I walk away from this relationship or stay with him? I am tossing between my love for him and my raging anger at his behaviour. Please show the light.
~ Manisha, Bangalore
You invited yourself into a threesome, and I guess you never thought of repercussions. Here’s how I see it: Presumably, he has been committed and monogamous with just you over the past three years. Suddenly, you are giving him the 100 percent green light to have sex with another woman. Wow!
You are fulfilling a huge fantasy in most men’s lives. Of course, he is going to be excited. He already has impressed you in bed in the past – now, he has a new person he probably felt like he needed to impress her. Hence you experienced the extra attention to her.
While I understand the excitement in bringing in another partner into a relationship, it comes at a huge risk. This can be a troubled zone because it completely opens the door for letting your man stepping out. I can easily see a guy rationalise cheating because after all, you’ve let him have sex with someone else.
What is done is done. And there is no going back. But, I think you’ve learned something as a result. Only a few people can successfully pull this sort of thing off in a relationship. It is one thing to do it on a drunken night, but quite another to share your partner in the most intimate way. Hopefully, the damage isn’t permanent and you can re-establish what you had.
Best Wishes, Rupa