Why Married Men and Women have Extramarital Affairs?

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Nikita looks into the many reasons why married men and women stray. What compels them into extramarital relationships? Read more in the weekly column, exclusively in Different .

Why do married men and women engage in extramarital affairs despite having wonderful spouses and perfect ? Is love, not enough in a marriage?

Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist describes it in an interesting manner. According to her, love is not really an emotion but more of a brain system. When it comes to love, we have three brain systems, first is the sex drive, second, romantic love and third, attachment with the partner.

“Different people react differently to extramarital affairs. Some are looking for self-reassurance that they are still desirable, others to kill boredom or release stress, get even with their spouse, or simply explore outside their marriage,” says Ramon Lamba.

There is often an unfulfilled need, emotional or physical behind affairs after marriage.

  1. Physical Needs: Most of the extramarital affairs are a result of physical attractions. Both men and women can feel physically attracted towards another person despite being in love with their spouses. Their intention is never to leave their partners but just add a little fun to their monotonous life.
  1. Emotional Affairs: Being emotionally connected to a person than your spouse is considered as harmful as infidelity. It is often debated that there is nothing wrong with being emotionally connected to a third person. It includes flirting, exchanging dirty messages and sharing little details about your life, which is not physical but drains out the love from the primary .
  1. Revenge Affairs: Madhu Kotya explains, “Ninety per cent affairs are resentment affairs. Couples are so busy in their respective lives that they barely find time to work on the marriage and that’s how resentment creeps in. No one wants to work on the issues, they start blaming the partner. This is when they start looking for love and acceptance outside.”
  1. Real Love: Not all married couples love each other. Some marriages are only on paper. Some men and women find true love after being married to the wrong person. It could be a colleague or a close . This is the most fatal of all. It has both physical and emotional dependence and eats up the primary relationship completely. This kind of affairs often leads to divorces and re-marriages.
  1. In Love with Someone Before Marriage: Forced marriages are never fruitful. Parents often have a destructive belief that once their child gets married to someone else, he/she would forget his/her lover. There have been thousands of instances where lives of three or more people have been destroyed due to forced marriages.

It is debatable what is right and what is wrong in marriages.

Should one stay in an unhappy marriage or divorce the spouse?

Which one is better: the illusion of a happy marriage or the truth that the spouse has cheated you?

Why do you think men can escape from having an affair but women are punished?


©Nikita Goel

Photos sourced by the author and the net.

#RelationshipRationale #Marriage #EmotionalAffairs #RelationshipOutsideMarriage #ExtraMaritial #HusbandAndWife #DifferentTruths

Nikita Goel

Nikita Goel

Nikita Goel is a Texas-based writer. She is actively associated with Aagaman Literary and Cultural Society’s English Publications. She has worked as the managing editor for Purple Hues. She has co-authored three books. Her poems have been published in five anthologies. She has been featured online on Readomania, Aagaman -The Arrival, Writers e-zine, Writing Geeks, Literary and Creativity Magazine. Her blog, Enchantress, has been adjudged India’s best blog for three consecutive years.
Nikita Goel