Q. I am P. Pal, currently staying in Nigeria. My husband is in sales in the insurance sector. He has an inbuilt insecurity within himself that he can lose his job, though a very hardworking and honest person. I am not working. He also cannot cope up with his superiors. But, with subordinates he has very good relations. Now, after prolonged stress he has became a very difficult and angry person. With no patience and it seems that he doesn’t care and love us. He is an alcoholic now. Can you help me with the law of attraction to comfort him?
Regards, P. Pal, Nigeria
A. “Whatever you’re thinking about is literally like planning a future event. When you’re worrying, you are planning. When you are appreciating, you are planning….What are you planning? – Abraham Hicks”
As you think thoughts, you flow energy towards the subject of your thoughts. And as you flow energy to the subject, it will live up to your expectations of it. So when you are thinking about your husband in terms of his insecurity, his disability to cope with his superiors, or stress in his life, or him being an angry, difficult, impatient person, you are giving more energy to him being all those things. Even though you are thinking you don’t want him to be that way, your focus on those aspects of him will keep him that way in your experience.
So what is the solution?
Find something about him that you appreciate. In fact, make a list of things you appreciate about him. When you look for things to appreciate, you will invariably find them. And as you find more to appreciate about your husband, you will find him behaving more in a way that you appreciate.
What you need to understand is that what troubles you is not what he’s going through, but what you think about what he’s going through. And as you change the way you think about this, it will change before your eyes. So your job is not to comfort him, but yourself.
This was an answer to a specific issue. But anyone who wants to help someone must remember:
- Don’t focus on how horrible their situation is; don’t feel sorry for them. When you feel sorry for someone, you are seeing them as less than yourself. It’s actually quite condescending, if you think about it. You are, in fact, refusing to acknowledge that they are just as powerful at their core as you are. They have just as much choice in how they feel as you do, even if they don’t realise it. This does not mean that you shouldn’t help them if you’re inspired to. It just means that feeling bad for them isn’t helping either you or them.
- Acknowledge their situation and pain briefly – just long enough to figure out what it is that you do want for them (usually the opposite). If they are ill, you want them to be well. If they are in pain, you want them to be happy, etc.
- Picture them at their best. See them as happy, as whole, as healthy. See them as the powerful being that they truly are and give all of your focus to that.
- If you take action, take it only from that positive point of view. Action taken from a high frequency vibration is inspired action and will help to lift the other person out of their low frequency. This kind of action may surprise you and others. For example, you may visit a friend in the hospital and instead of commiserating with them, sitting sadly at their bedside and agreeing with everyone that things are just terrible; you might crack jokes and get your friend to laugh. You might do everything you can to forget the reality and distract them from the current situation. Holding a picture of someone as whole and well and happy when the physical reality is showing you anything but that can be quite difficult at first, particularly with people that we care about. It’s often much easier to do this when you’re not around them. Practice holding them in that perfect light while at home, before you go to bed, while meditating, any time you can think of other than when you’re actually with them. If you do this consistently, it will get easier to see them as perfect, healthy and happy when you’re around them.
- Whatever you do, don’t let yourself get sucked into a complaining session with them. You are just adding to their lower vibration and lowering your own in the process. Just stay light and happy, allow them to complain if they must, but don’t join in.
- Be prepared for the fact that some people will see your refusal to participate in a pity party as abandonment. “If you really loved me, you’d understand what I’m going through.” Of course it’s nice to have your feelings validated, to have someone agree with you and join in on the complaining. But this isn’t helpful in the long run. All it does is help to perpetuate the current situation. So, even though they don’t realise it, they’re actually saying “If you really loved me, you’d help me to stay miserable.”
- Acknowledge that they have the right to feel the way they do. People in pain want to be validated, which you can do without joining in on that party. Don’t go in and tell them that they shouldn’t be sad or angry. “I can see why you would feel that way”, “Anger is a natural reaction to a situation like this,” or “It’s ok to be sad,” allows the other person to have their feelings. After all, you want them to pay attention to their feelings, so that they can then begin to deliberately feel better.
Nita, Different Truths’ Agony Aunt, is an Internationally Certified Life Coach. She specialises in coaching with the Law of Attraction to bring about a change in beliefs and thought patterns, such that the person is able to tap into the Universal energy and deliberately create a life of his/her dreams. She runs a Law of Attraction Club in Mumbai. She will answer your queries from the perspective of the Law of Attraction.
Mark your queries, ‘Kind Attn: Nita Sundararaju’ and mail it to email@example.com. Your identity shall not be disclosed.
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