Today, I Finally Found You

Ampat’s poem celebrates the immense power of love. His lyrical poem with epic sensibility, moves from the sensual to the social selves.

Today I finally found you
in between badly written poems
and well-written ones
I found you
like never before
my study in brown

reading the sculpted images of cataclysm
running my hands over their troughs and crests
wishing they were grooves of wet paint
longing to traverse your mounds and valleys
of life, made still by my art
I found you

in my mind, strapping on bombs
around our bodies
suicide lovers
terrorists of poetry, fiction and art
who wanted to die for it while climaxing
I found you

Over and over
I found you
wanted to love you
wanted to die and live for you
make a new religion of love for you
not out of water, but this insanity
mad with longing
with no vaccination for rabies
I found you

You were not there                                                                                                                                                                                   Never there

You are not here

I found you in my words
of swearing
forever, those words of hyperbole
and in yours
eternity, those words of meaning
in flesh melting
in centigrade
of high-voltage density
in the heat of this never-ending desert

and though I did not have you                                   
had only words
and feelings
Seared, I still feared

I feared that now having finally found you
yet not having got hold of you fully
I would lose you
before I had you
and wanted to die

You told me
that is love

It must be

If so, it is more powerful
that a Van Gogh painting
than an Apollinaire poem
than ISIS or saffron fascism
than sex slaves and selling of armaments
that it burns me down entirely
like World War Three
to ashes
and honey

Let me find you again like this tomorrow too
or there will be nothing left of me
for love to cordon off and turn away
behind its barbed wire fences of no entry
with nowhere to go back to
as its last refugee before the end comes
when all subsides

in washed up bodies of children on the shores                                                                                                                               in their blown up bodies on land

but not before
I meet you one last time
to take you with all my intensity
shuddering moments of entrance and exit
that you will never forget to remember

having found me
having loved me too
so that there’s a land of milk and plenty
and I tell you too

Do you know what that is?

You say no

I say apocalypse

Simply that you love me

So lost in that meeting and melting
we celebrate
the Advent
the agony and the ecstasy
the lust for life and more life
the long trek to a manger
and the …Nativity.


Dr A.V. Koshy is currently an Assistant Professor in the Department of English, at the Faculty of Arts for Girls, Jazan University, Saudi Arabia.
He can be reached at
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Ampat Varghese Koshy

Ampat Varghese Koshy

Dr Koshy A.V. is the author, co-author, editor or anthologist in/of eleven books, the last ones being 'The Significant Anthology' and 'Umbilical Chords' where he was co-editor and contributor. He is primarily a poet, critic, columnist, teacher and editor who also writes fiction. He was nominated for the Pushcart Prize for poetry in 2012 and has other significant awards too to his credit.
Ampat Varghese Koshy

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