Who Wants Kichdi-Pulao: Politics Will Soon Return to Normal in Hindi Heartland

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The SP-BSP informal alliance was a machine-killer, the EVM manipulators stood no chance against this safe combination. In Gorakhpur and in Phulpur, the Yadav and the non-Yadav OBC, the Muslim and the Nishad; and the Dalit got together to create favourable vibes for the machines to not act funny. An analysis, for .

To say that politics is fragile is to bend with the wind. If anything, politics takes oxygen through democracy’s fault-lines. A particular party is rejected by the voter and politics peaks – EVM fraud! The machines are working for the ruling party and we don’t have the time-technology to dispatch The Terminator back in time to assassinate the EVM, so let’s character-assassinate the Commission.

Cool. But Wednesday’s by-poll results in Uttar Pradesh and Bihar have once and for all put to rest the ghosts of EVM fraud. Even machines have souls but there’s no way they can be tampered with, not when they have belly-buttons that are shut tight against the human finger to fiddle with.

Hello, what are you ranting about, did anybody even say EVM fraud? Not Mayawati, not Akhilesh and neither was Arvind Kejriwal or Mamata Banerjee – the usual suspects – speaking of EVM fraud this time, are they? Look at who are the winners, the people’s picks. The voter is always right. Artificial intelligence cannot override human intelligence. Yogi Adityanath is bad but not that bad as to deny victory to the rightful victor.

That said, let’s get this straight: “it requires skill for an incumbent to lose a by-election; it requires even greater skills to lose if by-elections are in seats held by the CM and the deputy CM; and, it requires extraordinary talent to lose it when you are in charge of both the Centre and state. The achieved precisely this feat.” So, don’t blame the EVM; machines are not talented folk. And, mind you, the Election Commission is autonomous, OK. Excuses are for us to throw about, not yours to bandy with.

So, to quote the aforesaid source again, “If you needed a sign of both the fragility of politics and robustness of democracy, the by-election results from Uttar Pradesh have just offered it.” That is the #GotchaMoment for the left-liberal who is a snowflake that melts in the benign glare of victory but rages in the malignant flame of rejection.

Finally, #MeToo and #TimesUp have given a clean chit to the unfeeling machine and the world is no longer in danger of perishing. John Connor alias The Terminator can retire to the farm and go fishing, but not fish for trouble. For, the troubles, they have ended. Year 2019 will not be the Year of the Yogi and the Chanakya. Neither that of the Maurya. As for the #Undefeated, his boat ride down the Ganges at Assi Ghat in Varanasi with French President Emmanuel Macron was French for the German kaput… Haar Gaya, Jai Ho Maiya!

Two months short four years ago, the NDA won 73 of UP’s 80 Lok Sabha seats. Wow! A messy coalition was avoided. Then, a year ago, the BJP got 325 (Wow! Wow!!) Assembly seats in the state and the EVM was in danger of being lynched. But god saved the machine and, in any case, John Connor was an American, why should he time-transport himself to Lucknow-2017 to rescue democracy from machinations?

March 14, 2018 changed all that. The SP-BSP informal alliance was a machine-killer, the EVM manipulators stood no chance against this safe combination. In Gorakhpur and in Phulpur, the Yadav and the non-Yadav OBC, the Muslim and the Nishad; and the Dalit got together to create favourable vibes for the machines to not act funny. And like the trends and the victories showed, there was neither any ‘hawa’ nor ‘hawai’ to the aid of the vanquished. RIP.

Both Maurya and the Yogi later said they failed to see the SP-BSP combination clicking. This was local issues trumping national, the Yogi said, without his trademark ‘Mujhe Lagta Hai’. The prognosis: A year from now UP-chefs can trot out kichdi recipes and India will be saved. Children will be able to cheat openly in examinations in Bihar and UP. Criminals can loiter without the fear of the encounter. A buffalo goes missing and there will be police to walk it back home. Romeo will get to woo his Juliet. And the humble potato will not be dumped outside landmark buildings. Caste politics has made a comeback. Candidate selection will be the key. Rules of anti-incumbency will rule – “Politics has returned to normal in the Hindi heartland.”

That being said, EVMs will function fine. No more excuses for getting drubbed at the hustings c/o EVM. No more protests outside the Election Commission. And, fail or succeed, “Modiji” will get another chance to show his “Midas touch”. Chanakya Amit Shah can re-drag every BJP worker to the booth to restart the Modi-Shah Juggernaut. The core BJP-supporters – urban voters – stayed home in Phulpur and Gorakhpur. They need to be coaxed out.

And Yogi Adityanath will hopefully look at the cow with different eyes. He will maybe stick to his diet-plan and let the people stick to theirs. What is in the plate should remain on the plate and not spill out in Kasganj and Muzaffarnagar. And BJP, don’t forget, the flag is to hoist, not foist.

What about the Congress, is the party over for Rahul Gandhi? Not by a long shot. A Congress-Mukt Bharat – not yet! , Chhattisgarh and Madhya Pradesh are not SP-BSP turf, they are Congress-spreads along with being BJP-desh.

Mayawati is the only politician who has diehard supporters who will vote as per her diktat, a phenomenon unique to her, but Mayawati casts no shadow in these states and neither can Akhilesh cycle to these parts without getting punctured. Their informal alliance may not last. They are limited to Uttar Pradesh and both will want to outscore the other in UP to have the upper-hand in the LS. An alliance will also unleash rebel candidates from both parties. So the Congress stands a good chance. Congress or BJP, it will be good for India if there is no kichdi – bland food that will only beget a sallow complexion, weak constitution. Down with Kichdi-Pulao.  

Sushil Kutty
©IPA Service 

Photo from the Internet